Where's The Beef?

So I'm watching some Sunday night tell-lie-vision. A Wendy's commercial came on and I realized that someone in their marketing department finally decided that the whole men wearing wigs campaign was not a good look. Now, they just have regular commercials with normal people in it. They've opted to actually use images of Wendy instead of dudes rocking fire red pigtails.

In looking at the commercials, I got the thinking. Why don't we ever see the rest of Wendy's body? In all my years of eating and even working at Wendy's in high school, I can't remember seeing the rest of this chick's body, ever. The above logo would have you believe that Wendy is some cute freckle-faced girl who enjoys a nice hamburger (with fries and milkshake and chili and sometimes a salad) from time to time. But after seeing the shit Wendy's has been selling lately, I'm starting to think that they don't show the rest of Wendy's body because she probably looks like this.

I mean really, look at the burgers Wendy's has been advertising lately:



The Spicy Baconator. The Baconator. The Triple Stack. As Clipse and Pharrell would say...GOT DAMN!

I ain't gonna lie, I messed around and got that Baconator (twice). And yeah, the shit tasted good as hell. But, halfway through that second time I got it, I started feeling bad. I felt like a damn slob. Granted, I thought I was being somewhat "healthy" by ordering mines sans cheese with lettuce, tomato and onion..you know, vegetables. But I had to ask myself, what the hell was I doing eating two pieces of beef with 6 slices of bacon? That shit don't make no damn sense. And now to see that they are hawking Spicy Baconators with who knows what kind of sauce, jalapeno peppers and pepperjack cheese? Got damn, they must be trying to kill their customers.

As crazy as those two burgers sound, I'm most surprised to see that they are actually advertising the Triple Stack hamburgers. When I worked at a Wendy's in 11th grade, that was some shit that most customers didn't know of. Mainly, because no one (except for me and my greedy ass friends who worked there with me) would even think of ordering a hamburger with 3 pieces of meat. But, sho'nuff, there was a "triple" button on the cash register, so if someone did want it, they had it for you.

Now that I think of it, there was a bunch of crazy shit on those cash registers. I worked at the one near Cumberland Mall so, you had a bunch of snobby, rich folks who always made sure you followed the "customer is always right" mantra. This one lady came up and asked for a half-burger. Naturally, I'm like "we don't do that here." She barked that we did. I replied, "how you gonna tell me what we sell, go'on with that foolishness." To my surprise we did. The manager pointed out that there was a "1/2" button on the register. So yeah, we actually cooked this woman a whole hamburger, cut it in half and sold it to her for half the price. That was the dumbest shit I ever saw.

No hold up, the dumbest shit I ever saw was when this other lady walked up talking about she'd like a "Biggie fry with no salt." Of course, I laughed at her ass and was like, "ha, funny." But she was dead ass serious. Again, I was like "nah, we don't do that." And, again, the manager came up and pointed to the "no salt" button on the register. WTF??? So yeah, we had to dump out the already cooked batch of fries...clean the thing out to get rid of any salt residue...cook a whole new bag of fries just to give this woman one six ounce box of fries. I had half a mind to be like "nah, b*tch, you taking all these damn salt-less fries!" While were on it, what the fuck did she think she was doing? Watching her health? You order fries with no salt, but get the biggest size on the menu...the fuuuuhg???

But yeah, back to the point. Why don't we see the rest of Wendy's body? I really want to see whats up. We get to see Ronald McDonald. We get to see the Burger King. Shied, we even get to see the Jack In the Box. Why not Wendy? She probably doesn't exercise like the fellas. Looks like she does hamburger curls.