Thursday, October 2, 2008
Dear Joe Biden....
"Whattup Joe?" That's a little Chi-town slang for ya, I'm sure Obama's hit you with a couple of those by now. You probably aren't going to get a chance to read this since you're busy preparing for your debate. I'm just writing to make sure that you are doing just that, preparing.
I know its funny to talk about and its provided a lot of comic relief, but don't go into this thinking that Sarah Palin is dumb as a doorknob. Because if you do, you're falling right into the trap. I'm no debate expert, but in my years, I've noticed that debates aren't always about who's right...its about who sounds right.
Yeah, Palin hasn't exhibited the ability to answer direct questions, but, most debates aren't about answering direct questions...they're about talking about what you feel and what you think. Palin is really walking around this bitch thinking that she should be Vice-President and that John McCain is the best man for the Presidential job. A friend once told me, a person who has convinced themselves that they're crazy is way more dangerous than a person who is actually crazy.
So Joe, what I'ma need you to do is enter this debate as if YOU'RE the underdog. Don't fall for Palin's playing dumb routine. You've been on this earth longer than me, you should know by now that a lot of women looooove to play dumb. Some of them do it to seem less intimidating, others do it to fool suckers into doing whatever it is they want. Don't be a sucker Joe.
I need you to act like she is the smartest, best, greatest debater walking the planet and you need to do all that you can to win. Act as if she has all of the answers. Act like she's NOT wearing a skirt.
Even when she doesn't have the answer, don't fall for that shit and stoop to her level by offering a dumb ass answer of your own out of sympathy.
I know its gonna be difficult. You don't wanna get her too bad because then some of these dumb ass voters are gonna claim you was picking on a girl. But fuck that, this is a debate, not a domestic dispute about not taking out the trash. Get her ass Joe. She's in the debate just like you and best believe, she's gonna swing on yo' ass with every intention of knocking you out. Women don't hit dudes not expecting to get hit back*, so give her the business like she stole something. Give her the business like she turned off the football game. Give her the business like she ain't got dinner ready Joe. Whup her ass!
*For the record, a woman told me that. I don't hit women, even if they've hit me. Just had to clear that up. I know how people read stuff wrong on the internet.